Secret Heart

With your pulsating rhythm
You live.
Not only within my tiny frame,
But within every revolutionary waiting for an epiphany.
Secret heart,
My little baby that I allow no one to touch.
That I beat up little boys for.
That I stay out late and drink for.
That I swallow my pride and say sorry for.

You are the one thing that is only mine.
The blood you pump swims through the veins of activist that have yet to save the world;
The direct connect to Cleopatra.

I tell you my secrets
And you pry into my psyche and figure out the ones I shall never speak.

Procrastinate

There’s still time to say sorry
For not being honest.
For raping four generations of innocence with a single white lie.
For killing all belief in the good of humanity.
There’s still time to smile.
Because the old woman
Noticed your glow.
There’s still time to hate.
For pigmented skin.
And naturally straight hair with blonde highlights.
For everything, as a matter of fact.
There’s still time for Sharpies and Post-It notes filled with untouchable sparks,
Waiting in vain to become fully formulated thoughts.
There’s still time for world peace.
There’s still time for incest,
Because the urges meant more than the divinity of familial ties.
There’s still time for stinging eyes from the chlorinated water at a pool that once held the one-track thoughts
Of victory.
There’s still time to swing so high that God’s fingertip touches your nose
And sends you equally as high in the opposite direction.
There’s still time for forts made of blankets, boxes, sheets, chairs, and oblivion.
Because you don’t know no better.
There’s still time to forgive
Even though God knows there’s no hope to forget.
There’s still time to whisper aimless secrets under thick quilts,
Made of regret and loneliness;
Although you’re almost sure He hears.
There’s still time for the intercourse of sunshine and brown skin,
That makes for regret for the blackberry colored product it leaves behind.
There’s still time to call your grandma.
Even though you know she’s incoherent and a tad bit irritating.
There’s still time for the exchange of ancestry
Through the brevity of a lusty lip-lock lacking love.
There’s still time to plant a seed of what-could-be in that very same lip lock.
Since there’s still time,
Maybe I’ll do it
Tomorrow.

One

We don’t dispel tears, as they are indicators of weakness–
You live in my uncried sobs.

Like leeches
We feed
We thrive
We need
Negativity.
Hearts beat rhythms we shake our asses to.
Feed our children to.
Back talk our grandmothers to.
These occurrences coincide with boys suppressing tears
Because men
Do not cry.
Concurrent with girls losing their virginity
To boys they don’t love
Because everyone else is doing it.
But in reality,
Who does “everyone” encompass?

We all have quelled that lump that forms in the blackest part of our throats.
The part that no water can saturate.
That no love can void.
To suppress a clear liquid reeking of anguish
From waltzing from our lower lash lines
To the spot on the floor between our feet.

I used to cry unforgivably.
Tears flowing endlessly like the river of the people.
Like the circle of life.
Each tear would birth an intangible emotion seeking purpose.
Only to be met with failure.

Sensitivity is frowned upon.
I’ve taken everything sensitive about me and imprisoned it in a far gone region in my heart.
So dark from lack of sunshine, that organisms have begun to contaminate it.
But I can’t seem to get rid of my sensitive teeth.
Incapable of speaking ill-intending phrases full of hatred and sorrow
With actual conviction.

Our souls are hollow.
Barren.
“Oh I’m fine”
Becomes equivalent to “You’re an idiot.
There’s no way you can sense my dissatisfaction.
My pain.
My heartache.”

We don’t dispel tears as they are indicators

of weakness.

dumb

I feel invisible like see through soles with holes no wholes could fill.
Like ghosts in the night, unable to feel.
Black fingers grasping night stars in a blue-black sky.
To no avail.
Invisibility is me; that is until I fail.

Through parted lips,
Syllables filled with heartache stain mind and body.
Begging on knees that curse me for the strain.
I lack the will and the energy to fight the good fight.
Pleading for an understanding heart, to open and ingest my pain.

Homo… Sapien.

Everyone is a person. Who each of us chooses to love should have no relevance to the quality of our character. Why does being a homosexual demean one’s value?

Often, people cite the Bible for homosexuality’s immorality. But what about the part of the Bible that says marriage is only valid if the woman is a virgin?  Factually, most women are not virgins by the time they are married. I could go off on a tangent about literal interpretation of the Bible in modern times, but I’d rather not make this an issue of religion.

I, personally, did not wake up one morning and make an executive decision to like guys. I am naturally attracted to one. I didn’t decide to be. So how is it that homosexuals somehow decide to be hated and unaccepted by society?

Happy Birthday Mansoor!

Photos!

Countdown!

So I’m excited because my boyfriend’s birthday is in an hour and 20 minutes! I have to keep this post short because I’m about to cook him his favorite meal and prepare for the festivities that are due to ensue tomorrow.

This afternoon, he came to my house and I did his beautiful hair for him.

Once I finished, we met up with a friend of his for a quick encounter, and then my mom picked us up along with one of her friends, and we headed to the Cheesecake Factory. I was taking pictures of my love (because I just can’t help it), and my mom wanted to snap a corny picture of us.

After we devoured our delicious food, my mom took everyone back to my house and my boyfriend and I went our separate ways. I went to the store to pick up everything I needed to cook for him and I also got a few extra, special things for him. Now, I must go cook! Tomorrow’s post is sure to be lovely! Good morrow good citizens!